I'm feeling quite poetic today.
Hence, I give you "Ode to Clif Bars" (written in Haiku form).
Vegan, healthy, yum.
Makes a total slob like me,
feel like a hiker.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
For Lent
Happy Give-Up-Your-Favorite-Item Eve (AKA Happy Lent)! P.S. Is it appropriate to say “Happy Lent” when Lent represents the forty days Jesus spent in the desert being tempted by Satan?
If being tempted by Satan means gluttony and debauchery, then yes, I think this does represent a very happy time. Especially if said gluttony and debauchery represent things like free beer, reality television and teen pop music.
On a serious note though, I find it curious that people avoid meat every Friday during this time, but still eat fish. Whenever I’ve asked someone who participates in this ritual the meaning behind it, they’ve been unable to articulate an answer. Enter my trusty sidekick, Wikipedia.
I’m still clueless why only Fridays are meat-free and why fish (living, breathing, feeling animals) don’t count as “meat,” but my sidekick explained that not eating meat is a symbol of abstinence and sacrifice, which replicates the way Jesus sacrificed for humankind.
So if people want to follow Jesus’s lead, doesn’t that mean we should practice compassion toward all beings? There is nothing compassionate about factory farms or slaughterhouses where billions of animals live miserable lives and are killed in violent, bloody ways.
Also, wouldn’t Jesus’s compassion extend to fish? Fish feel pain, just as we do and lead complex intellectual lives that rival those of dogs and some other mammals. Methods used in commercial fishing to catch and kill the animals are as cruel as those used by factory farmers or slaughterhouse operators. In fact, the methods used to kill fish indicate that commercial fishers see their prey as no more sentient than rocks on a mountain—and the horrible cruelty that they inflict on hundreds of billions of fish is completely unregulated.
During Lent (and during every other day of the year), we have a choice when we sit and eat. Our food choices can either add to the violence, misery and death in the world, or we can decide to extend compassion to all of God’s creatures by refusing to support their torture. And by refusing to eat them.
What better way to model Jesus’s compassion then to stop eating animals? For more information, visit goveg.com.
Now, since it’s still technically Fat Tuesday, back to drinking and exposing our bodies in exchange for beads!
If being tempted by Satan means gluttony and debauchery, then yes, I think this does represent a very happy time. Especially if said gluttony and debauchery represent things like free beer, reality television and teen pop music.
On a serious note though, I find it curious that people avoid meat every Friday during this time, but still eat fish. Whenever I’ve asked someone who participates in this ritual the meaning behind it, they’ve been unable to articulate an answer. Enter my trusty sidekick, Wikipedia.
I’m still clueless why only Fridays are meat-free and why fish (living, breathing, feeling animals) don’t count as “meat,” but my sidekick explained that not eating meat is a symbol of abstinence and sacrifice, which replicates the way Jesus sacrificed for humankind.
So if people want to follow Jesus’s lead, doesn’t that mean we should practice compassion toward all beings? There is nothing compassionate about factory farms or slaughterhouses where billions of animals live miserable lives and are killed in violent, bloody ways.
Also, wouldn’t Jesus’s compassion extend to fish? Fish feel pain, just as we do and lead complex intellectual lives that rival those of dogs and some other mammals. Methods used in commercial fishing to catch and kill the animals are as cruel as those used by factory farmers or slaughterhouse operators. In fact, the methods used to kill fish indicate that commercial fishers see their prey as no more sentient than rocks on a mountain—and the horrible cruelty that they inflict on hundreds of billions of fish is completely unregulated.
During Lent (and during every other day of the year), we have a choice when we sit and eat. Our food choices can either add to the violence, misery and death in the world, or we can decide to extend compassion to all of God’s creatures by refusing to support their torture. And by refusing to eat them.
What better way to model Jesus’s compassion then to stop eating animals? For more information, visit goveg.com.
Now, since it’s still technically Fat Tuesday, back to drinking and exposing our bodies in exchange for beads!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Laughter and Screams
My return to Michigan started with seeing Mr. Perfection Personified, Joey McIntyre, perform at the Magic Bag. The concert featured a guest rap by a male fan, a strip tease by Joey and a slowed-down rendition of “Cover Girl.” Fellow concert-goers were also treated to multiple screams by yours truly.
About to enter my happy place.
Joe hoping not to pop a blood vessel.
A shot from his encore.
My first feature show in 2010 was at Jack’s in Spring Lake, Michigan. There, I worked with Davin.
And got to see my name in blinking lights.
The show was packed, and the crowd was lubricated. This is a nice combination for laughter…and awkward heckles. When I started the show, I attempted to talk to the crowd. As is standard, I asked if any of the audience members were celebrating anything. One woman in the front loudly proclaimed, “I don’t have AIDS.”
As you can imagine, that brought the show to a screeching halt. I try to roll with it, and I even congratulated her, but she seemed fairly AIDS-obsessed. In fact, when I did a bit about living at home, with my parents, she attempted to cheer me up. “At least you don’t have AIDS,” she consoled.
True.
Perhaps I should use this as a mantra. Perhaps everyone should. And if you’re feeing particularly creative, switch up the STD.
For instance, if you get dumped by your boy/girlfriend, you can tell yourself (with loving kindness, of course), “At least you don’t have Chlamydia.”
Well, I suppose this will work as long as Tiger Woods isn’t said ex-boyfriend.
That weekend, I worked with my good friend, Steve Sabo, at the Comedy Room in Wyandotte, Michigan. Combine this with no major heckles and top-notch Italian food, and you’ve got yourself a pretty awesome night.
Steve’s a. pre-show game face, b. pre-show constipation face or c. both.
Char and Kenny, the lovely folks who help run the room.
Steve and me (along with super funny Jordan Jones, who MCed the show…and treated us to some of his funk-o-licious dancing).
This past week, I performed in Gaylord, Michigan with my friend, Sal Demilio.
Yes, in case you’re wondering, the blazer/black shirt combination has been making a lot of appearances as of late.
Despite there being a massive blizzard, the audience that showed up was small, but mighty. We had a great time, and we even met audience member, Dave, after the show.
I could have done without the weather on the way home though.
A view from I-75. Nothing says, "Welcome back!" like a huge blizzard and threats to put your car in the ditch. Thanks, Michigan!
But, alas, I made it home and then performed at Chaplin’s Comedy Club that weekend.
There, I met Chad Miller and Amaru. Both extremely funny and great guys!
The shows were fun, although I think the last one was sponsored by AshleyMadison.com as a woman in the front (who was on a self-described “blind date”) got a call from her husband during the show. Hilarity then ensued.
In summary, it’s great to be back on stage, nice to be in the Midwest and fantastic to be screaming my lungs out at Joe Mac shows!
About to enter my happy place.
Joe hoping not to pop a blood vessel.
A shot from his encore.
My first feature show in 2010 was at Jack’s in Spring Lake, Michigan. There, I worked with Davin.
And got to see my name in blinking lights.
The show was packed, and the crowd was lubricated. This is a nice combination for laughter…and awkward heckles. When I started the show, I attempted to talk to the crowd. As is standard, I asked if any of the audience members were celebrating anything. One woman in the front loudly proclaimed, “I don’t have AIDS.”
As you can imagine, that brought the show to a screeching halt. I try to roll with it, and I even congratulated her, but she seemed fairly AIDS-obsessed. In fact, when I did a bit about living at home, with my parents, she attempted to cheer me up. “At least you don’t have AIDS,” she consoled.
True.
Perhaps I should use this as a mantra. Perhaps everyone should. And if you’re feeing particularly creative, switch up the STD.
For instance, if you get dumped by your boy/girlfriend, you can tell yourself (with loving kindness, of course), “At least you don’t have Chlamydia.”
Well, I suppose this will work as long as Tiger Woods isn’t said ex-boyfriend.
That weekend, I worked with my good friend, Steve Sabo, at the Comedy Room in Wyandotte, Michigan. Combine this with no major heckles and top-notch Italian food, and you’ve got yourself a pretty awesome night.
Steve’s a. pre-show game face, b. pre-show constipation face or c. both.
Char and Kenny, the lovely folks who help run the room.
Steve and me (along with super funny Jordan Jones, who MCed the show…and treated us to some of his funk-o-licious dancing).
This past week, I performed in Gaylord, Michigan with my friend, Sal Demilio.
Yes, in case you’re wondering, the blazer/black shirt combination has been making a lot of appearances as of late.
Despite there being a massive blizzard, the audience that showed up was small, but mighty. We had a great time, and we even met audience member, Dave, after the show.
I could have done without the weather on the way home though.
A view from I-75. Nothing says, "Welcome back!" like a huge blizzard and threats to put your car in the ditch. Thanks, Michigan!
But, alas, I made it home and then performed at Chaplin’s Comedy Club that weekend.
There, I met Chad Miller and Amaru. Both extremely funny and great guys!
The shows were fun, although I think the last one was sponsored by AshleyMadison.com as a woman in the front (who was on a self-described “blind date”) got a call from her husband during the show. Hilarity then ensued.
In summary, it’s great to be back on stage, nice to be in the Midwest and fantastic to be screaming my lungs out at Joe Mac shows!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
2009
As we begin 2010, I suppose it’s appropriate to write a year-in-review post about 2009. I suppose it’s inappropriate to write such a post in mid-January, but what can I say? I was dodging snowballs and ice storms…and trying to help animals in the process. Real animals, not drunken hecklers at one-nighters. Although I did try to help a few of those too – by trying to make them laugh while simultaneously teaching them that shouting “show your knockers” is not commonly thought to be socially acceptable behavior.
2009 was definitely a full year! It started with packing everything I own into a Honda Civic:
I didn’t actually go anywhere; instead, I just packed up the ol’ girl because I was bored, and I wanted to see how much she could fit.
I kid, I kid. Actually, she and I moved to Virginia to work for PETA. Well, I worked for PETA. She stayed at home to watch my place (and I better not hear about her throwing any wild parties).
I also:
-Lost the 35 pounds I gained in 2008 (and kept in off! Yee-haw!)
-Conducted a lot of demonstrations on behalf of animals (some of my faves are pictured)
-Told a lot of jokes
-Got to see my name in lights for the first time
-Was on tv – telling jokes and sticking up for animals (not at the same time though)
-Survived some hurricanes
-Participated in my first race (an endurance-testing one mile)
-Met the NKOTB (after waiting TWENTY LONG YEARS)
-Did my first naked protest
-Advanced in the California’s Funniest Female Comedy Contest
-Met some amazing people in Virginia (and got to visit some pretty gosh darn amazing people in other states)
Throughout this past year, I also traveled like a mofo. In just a year, I went to the following places:
Canada:
Alberta
British Columbia
Manitoba
Nova Scotia
New Brunswick
Ontario
Quebec
Saskatchewan
United States:
Arizona
California
Colorado
Florida
Georgia
Illinois
Indiana
Kansas
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Nebraska
New Jersey
New York
North Carolina
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah
Washington
Washington DC
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming
P.S. I think I got jetlagged just making that list.
To say 2009 was filled with a lot of excitement would probably be an understatement. It was also filled with many laughs and many learning experiences. It wasn’t nearly as sleep-filled as I had hoped, but, I suppose I can sleep when I’m dead. Or when I’m being made to watch football or Twilight.
2009 was definitely a full year! It started with packing everything I own into a Honda Civic:
I didn’t actually go anywhere; instead, I just packed up the ol’ girl because I was bored, and I wanted to see how much she could fit.
I kid, I kid. Actually, she and I moved to Virginia to work for PETA. Well, I worked for PETA. She stayed at home to watch my place (and I better not hear about her throwing any wild parties).
I also:
-Lost the 35 pounds I gained in 2008 (and kept in off! Yee-haw!)
-Conducted a lot of demonstrations on behalf of animals (some of my faves are pictured)
-Told a lot of jokes
-Got to see my name in lights for the first time
-Was on tv – telling jokes and sticking up for animals (not at the same time though)
-Survived some hurricanes
-Participated in my first race (an endurance-testing one mile)
-Met the NKOTB (after waiting TWENTY LONG YEARS)
-Did my first naked protest
-Advanced in the California’s Funniest Female Comedy Contest
-Met some amazing people in Virginia (and got to visit some pretty gosh darn amazing people in other states)
Throughout this past year, I also traveled like a mofo. In just a year, I went to the following places:
Canada:
Alberta
British Columbia
Manitoba
Nova Scotia
New Brunswick
Ontario
Quebec
Saskatchewan
United States:
Arizona
California
Colorado
Florida
Georgia
Illinois
Indiana
Kansas
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Missouri
Nebraska
New Jersey
New York
North Carolina
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah
Washington
Washington DC
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming
P.S. I think I got jetlagged just making that list.
To say 2009 was filled with a lot of excitement would probably be an understatement. It was also filled with many laughs and many learning experiences. It wasn’t nearly as sleep-filled as I had hoped, but, I suppose I can sleep when I’m dead. Or when I’m being made to watch football or Twilight.
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