Merry in Merrillville

In July, I had the chance to perform at Wisecrackers in Merrillville, Indiana for the first time. And I had a royal blast-o-roony!

The club is located in a Radisson Hotel, which is one of the fanciest hotels I’ve stayed in. It definitely beat the hell out of some of the “classier” joints I’ve been to that featured bathroom door-style locks, torn blankets and blood-stained pillow cases. Imagine my delight when I discovered my room actually contained a hair dryer!

My room also had a fancy tv.

I was even more excited when I turned it on and realized it actually worked. Can I get a “hellz yeah!” for free cable?

And a fancy bed.


My room even had a telephone in the bathroom.

Definitely a nice feature after a night of heavy drinking. Note to self: install phone in own bathroom.

The crowds were extremely energetic, and I had so much fun! I did get heckled though. A few times. And I can’t decide if it’s wrong that I was more offended by a heckler telling me I don’t look like I’m in my twenties than a drunken bachelor party attendee screaming “show me your tits.”

That’s the super hilarious (and very nice) Jef Brannan performing on stage.


When I wasn’t performing at the shows, I checked out some nature trails and sand dunes. P.S. I had no idea Indiana had any sand dunes; I thought it was mostly just home to conservatism and Walmarts. But, alas, it does, and I’m so glad I took extra time to explore them.




These pictures don’t do much justice to how pretty the beaches actually are. And, as you can tell, they featured trash cans o’ plenty! Nothing says beauty like gigantic blue barrels every 10 feet.




Between the fun crowds, awesome hotel and pretty scenery, I can’t wait to go back!

Williamsburgs

At the end of June/beginning of July, I took a trip to the east coast. My travels took me to Virginia and New York (with some lovely bathroom breaks in Delaware and New Jersey).

Despite having lived 45 minutes away from it for a year, I had never traveled to Williamsburg, Virginia. So why not take an impromptu trip?

For those of you who haven’t been, Colonial Williamsburg is a revolutionary war-themed town complete with people dressed in period costumes, and bars, restaurants and shops that resemble those from the 1700’s. Although I highly doubt actual 1700’s stores would accept MasterCard. But, alas, who can turn down getting cash back while purchasing a toy musket?

What trip would be complete without a cheesy picture in the center of town?

You mean you’re not supposed to grin like you’re getting your senior pictures taken while being restrained in a stockade? Apparently, torture devices make some people happier than others. This was taken seconds before a kid yelled, “um, I don’t think you’re supposed to be happy in there. Quit smiling!” at me. Clearly, he’s not into bondage.


Me thinks the sign might be referring to a different kind of revolution. But, who doesn't like an excuse to raise their fist in the air and fight the power?


One of the overly priced drinks from Saturday night. Again, I question the authenticity of the drink. Not sure that dyed sugar cubes, champagne and maraschino cherries were common beverage fare in the 18th century, but after a couple of them, I was more concerned with the merry feeling in my head than I was about period accuracy.

In addition to people running around saying “The British are coming! The British are coming!,” Williamsburg also features scenic roads and hiking trails.

A view from one.



I'm not quite sure what was supposed to be interpreted. I was expecting to see some avant-garde statues in the middle of the hiking trail, but alas, all that we interpreted was the amount of sweat we were excreting due to the extreme heat.

The College of William and Mary also makes its home in Williamsburg. The campus was very pretty and scenic (complete with lush trees and old buildings). Did I capture any pictures of that? Um, no. But, I did manage to snap this extremely juvenile picture.

If that ain’t maturity, folks, I don’t know what is.

After leaving Williamsburg, Virginia, I headed up to Williamsburg, Brooklyn (notice a theme?). During the trip, my phone (which contains a GPS and written directions for my destination in Brooklyn) crapped out and was unable to hold a charge. So I had to get there the old-fashioned way: with an Atlas, many prayers and a few tears. It was 103 degrees when I drove to New York City, and my car has no air conditioning. But, the good part about sweating so much is, you don’t have to hit the john nearly as much. So I made quite good time!

My parking spot in Brooklyn.

This Hyundai was getting a bit frisky with my Civic, so I did what any good parent would do and told him to back the eff off! I also instructed some birds to crap on him, but, as you can see, they missed their mark and pooped on my car instead.

While in New York, I went to Food Swings (an amazing vegan restaurant in Williamsburg), had some delicious sushi, drank a lot and probably gained 15 pounds.

The aftermath of one of my nights there.

Nothing says class like vodka and Pepsi.


One of the many reasons I love New York - it's possible to get these at nearly every deli (way necessary after a night of drinking the worst vodka in the world).

After two weeks of being in states that touch the ocean, I headed back to good ol’ Michigan. Luckily, the trip home was cooler than the one there and I didn't sweat nearly as much.

Sponsored by Bud Light

Last week included a trip to Iowa, a wet and soggy protest and yet another New Kids on the Block concert.

June 8, 2010 marked the 50th day of the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. So several of us headed to downtown Ann Arbor to show our solidarity with the victims of the greatest environmental disaster in US history, demand better clean-up methods and accountability for BP and spread awareness about stopping our reliance on oil.

To call the oil spill devastating still seems like a bit of an understatement. I know this website helped me better visualize the magnitude of the damage. I highly recommend others visit it as well.

Here are some pictures from the demonstration/vigil:








A couple days later, I performed at a show in Clinton, Iowa. It was my first time there, and everyone was really nice and hospitable. There must be something in the corn that makes people so cheerful.


I didn’t take any pictures from the show, but I did snap a shot of the poster on the wall.

How much do I love that Bud Light sponsored comedy night? Now, if only I could get them to sponsor both my life and drinking habit…

We were only there for one night, which is a shame as Clinton is right on the water and I was hoping to make some friends with boat owners (who would invite me onto their boats, of course). But, alas, we didn’t have time, and I suppose I will have to cultivate my friendships via facebook so I’ll be able to hang out in the Mississippi next time. Bonus points for future friends that have a two-person kayak and don’t mind doing all the rowing.

On Saturday night, I went to go see New Kids in the Block in Canada. Again. I also got stopped at the border. Again. This time, I was not taken into a special room and questioned, but I was given the code “F.H.” on my immigration paper. Wonder what that means. I do know that when I received my passport back the last time I was questioned, there was a post-it note that contained a name and phone number. I never called. So perhaps “F.H.” stands for “f*ck her" for not calling. On second thought, if it means getting through the border without getting my car searched, perhaps I should have called.

I took a lot of pictures at the concert, but they pretty much look like all of my shots from the Chicago show, so I think I’ll leave them off of here for now.

On Sunday, my dad and I went to a Tigers game for a combination birthday/Father’s Day outing.


I don’t really remember if they won, I just remember that I like beer. And sunshine. I enjoy that as well. And I was able to have both there. Too bad Bud Light didn't sponsor our excursion.

Canada, Pride and New Kids (what else?)

Last weekend, I performed at Leo’s Komedy Korner in Windsor, Ontario, Canada with the very funny Jeff Dwoskin and Leo Dufour.


Smiling despite getting held at the Canadian border for over an hour moments earlier. The guards were probably just in awe of my ginormous earrings. And when I say in awe of, I really mean, they were terrified I could hide weapons in them.

On Saturday, my good friend and fellow comic, Jeanine Watt, stopped by to catch up.


After two fun shows, I drove home in some of the worst storms I’ve ever seen in my life.

This is a text you never want to receive while driving on a suspension bridge.

But, alas, I survived the storm, woke up the next morning and attended Motor City Pride (read: I parked my butt in the Beer Garden and drank entirely too much Bud Light Lime).

I did manage to take a break from beer-drinking to snap some pictures.

The Necto outside. Just like the dance club, except without people getting it on in the bathroom.


My favorite t-shirt I saw at the festival (although being Scottish might make me slightly biased).

After sobering up, I drove four hours to Hammond, Indiana to see the New Kids on the Block again. Will seeing my favorite guys from Boston ever get old? Not a chance.

Per usual, they were fabulous. Having a DJ with them really added a different dimension to their sound, and I loved how they performed “My Favorite Girl” to the music of Bell Biv Devoe’s “Poison.” Joe McIntyre’s combo rendition of “Twisted” and the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams” was top notch, too!


Where are Danny‘s sunglasses? Perhaps he either wasn’t hung over from the night before, or he’s not a big Corey Hart fan.


Okay, so maybe it’s not just Danny. Perhaps Jordan and Joe were trying to camouflage being high or having crow’s feet.


Performing their acoustic rendition of “Single.”


During Joe’s performance of “Twisted/Sweet Dreams” (AKA: during the time I was nearly hyperventilating).


The conclusion of his performance (AKA: when I had to put my head between my legs and breathe into a paper bag).

After the show, I drove back to Ann Arbor. Ahem, well, immediately concluding the show, I stopped by the emergency room for a quick trip to regulate my breathing, but then I drove three hours home. I kid, I kid. I didn’t stop by the emergency room, but it was a pretty long drive back. Luckily, I had my ipod full of New Kids to provide some entertainment on the ride home.

Thoughts on the burning of Jesus

Hey all! And by all, I mean, the six of you that read this thing.

Here's a link to the latest article I just wrote for Zoiks! Online.

It's about Jesus. Does that make you want to read it? What about if I agree to follow you on twitter, like you on facebook and buzz you up on yahoo? Would you read it then? Okay, okay, final offer: what if I give you five dollars? Interested now?

I thought so.

Now would also be a good time to plug Zoiks! Online. As its website proclaims, it's an entertainingly humorous magazine. I write there regularly as do a lot of funny peeps.

So, if you haven't already, check it out!

And send me your address so I can mail your bribe money.

My review of the NKOTB cruise

On May 14, 2010, I went on the official New Kids on the Block cruise. This is also the anniversary of the day that Danny Wood first graced the world with his presence. I wrote a review of my time on the ship that was originally posted on Zoiks Online, but I figured I'd post it here too.

If you'd like to see all of my pictures from the trip, they're on facebook. Normally, I would post them all on here, but frankly, I'm way too lazy. Plus, I'm a bit of a friend whore, and I enjoy collecting e-pals. For those of you who need some immediate boy band eye-candy, I did include a few pictures at the end.

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At last, the review everyone has been waiting for is finally complete. I know the masses out there have been holding their collective breath and anticipating a summary of my trip on the second annual New Kids on the Block cruise. And by masses, I mean 22 people. Well, I have finally stopped hyperventilating, and I am happy to share a full report from the S.S. Squealing Like a 12-Year-Old.

For those of you pondering if the New Kids on the Block (NKOTB, if you’re nasty) are even still around, allow me to provide some background information. Danny Wood, Donnie Wahlberg, Joe McIntyre, Jon and Jordan Knight were members of the most well-known boy band in the late 80’s/early 90’s. They broke up in 1994, reunited in 2008, released another album (appropriately titled “The Block”) and have been touring ever since. If you’d like more information about them (including birthdates, middle names, height/weight, etc.), email me directly. And in case you’re wondering, they definitely still have “The Right Stuff” (Sorry, I couldn’t resist). After all, they did sell out the O2 Arena in London and they can still do the running man with the best of them. So please, save the Old Men on the Block jokes for at least another 15 years.

The cruise featured concerts, meet and greet opportunities, themed deck parties (by the way, mixing Bud Light with all white clothing will turn a white party into a beige party very quickly), beach and trivia games hosted by the Kids and 2,000 screaming women. Ahem, make that 1,990 screaming women, 5 screaming men and another 5 bored men (who I presume were husbands along for the ride). While I have been a fan for more than twenty years, the other cruise attendees’ fandom made mine pale in comparison. I may have followed them around the country, but my obsession stops at knowing all of their bodyguards’ social security numbers and shoe sizes.

I was shocked by how accessible all of the Kids were. They strolled the Lido deck, grabbed snacks from the ship’s cafeteria and swam in the ocean (once we were docked, of course) without getting harassed. I’m sure there were some women who had slight heart attacks upon seeing them, but everyone managed to keep their cool and nobody mobbed them or attempted to grab them in their no-no spots. One of my favorite moments of the cruise was when I was on the glass elevator and spotted Joe McIntyre (my favorite New Kid). I immediately got off at the next floor, raced down the stairs to find him and asked him for a picture. My mom, who was also along for the boy band extravaganza, immediately became a fan upon meeting Joe. “He rubbed my back while we were taking the picture!” she screamed. And then we shared a beautiful (read: slightly pathetic) mother-daughter bonding moment of gushing over a pop singer.

Since there is another one booked for next year, you might be asking yourself, “who should go on a New Kids on the Block cruise?“ Or you might just be pondering when the cast of “The Jersey Shore” is finally going to go away. Well, I can’t help you with the latter, but I can certainly provide you a list of the former.

1. Straight (or hetero-curious), single men who are attracted to obsessive women. Bonus points if you look like Donnie.

2. Anyone who enjoys the song “Shots” by Lil Jon, as it was played nearly on repeat and was the cruise’s unofficial anthem.

3. Members of other has-been boy bands. After all, the New Kids don’t have time to hook up with every passenger. So if you’re from Take That, Five or the Guys Next Door, there’s a pretty good chance you might score on board.

4. People who love the 80’s. If you’re looking for a place to bust out some shoulder pads and over-permed hair, the New Kids cruise is for you!

5. Kate Brindle.

6. Generous people who would like to finance Kate Brindle’s trip. Said people also receive the high privilege and distinct honor of watching me fist pump to “Shots.”

When I disembarked from the ship, I almost immediately began having withdrawals from singing “Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Hangin’ Tough” (while waving my hands in the air like I just don’t care, of course). While waiting for my flight, I overheard a woman talking about “texting Jordan.” I nearly gasped. She was texting the Jordan Knight? I quickly tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Oh my God! You know Jordan Knight? Were you on the New Kids cruise?” She burst into a grin and said, “no, no, my son’s name is Jordan. I was talking to him.”

Ah! Apparently not everyone is nearly as obsessed with the New Kids on the Block as I am. Something tells me my mother might be now though.


My mom and me with Joseph Mulrey McIntyre. AKA The man I've loved for twenty-one years. AKA Perfection. Okay, so I'm *slightly* gushing and I'm a bit obsessed, but you must admit, the man does have some amazing clavicles...


Meeting them for the second time. I didn't get to stand next to Joe as he was already "claimed."


Lovebirds.

Count on receiving a formal wedding announcement by July.


I'm quite the expert at cropping photos to make them look like the person I'm pictured with actually knows me. Not trying to brag, but Danny Wood did make brief eye contact with me...and he didn't seem nearly as put off by my sweat as he did when I met him last year.

Count on receiving a formal wedding announcement by July.

Arriving

My most recent road adventure took me to four states in two different time zones and featured performing in a comedy contest, traveling to Amish country for the first time, prank calling and needing a translator to understand hecklers in the deep South.

My first stop was a comedy contest in Columbus, Ohio. Well, to be fair, it was slightly outside of Columbus, Ohio, but I can't remember the name of the town right now (much like a lot of the places I perform), and I'm pretty sure they root for Ohio State, so Columbus will have to suffice. I didn't get a chance to take any pictures of the actual contest, but I did snap a quick picture of the facade of the venue:

See? Proof that I was there.

I advanced to the semi-finals in the contest, however, I had to withdraw due to being out of town and having other gigs on the nights of the semis. Boo, hiss. Oh well, here's hopin' I can do the contest next year and win over some Buckeyes.



On Friday and Saturday, I performed at Stitches Comedy Club in Lancaster, Pennsylvania for the first time. The club is located in the heart of Amish country. Amish stuff, as seen here, is all the rage:

Apparently, etc. is also in high demand.

Stitches is located in a hotel that has a golf course and walking trail, which I took advantage of during my stay. These are some shots from my Saturday morning walk:









Also staying at the hotel during the weekend were drum and bugle core convention attendees and Great Pyrenees show dogs. So during my walk, I felt like I was on set of both "Best in Show" and "Stripes."

After Lancaster, I headed down to my ol' stomping grounds of Norfolk, Virginia. While I was in town, I got to do an open mic at the New Belmont. It was great to catch up with old friends and see the funny peeps of Hampton Roads. It was in Norfolk that some pretty kick-ass prank calling happened too. I don't think I've ever mentioned it on this blog, but if there's one thing I love nearly as much as the New Kids on the Block, it's prank calling. And I'm happy to report that three prank calls were successfully pulled off. I'm shocked anyone answers unrecognized numbers any more, but I am so very glad they do. Perhaps if stand-up doesn't take off, I might have a future as a Jerky Girl.

I also got a chance to walk the beach, which was most enjoyable.


I do have toes, they're just very shy.

After Norfolk, I headed to Alabama to perform at the Del Ranch.


My name in fancy lights. Not sure how I feel about wifi getting billing over my name, but still, something tells me I have arrived!

Not only that, but Steve Sabo and I got to sign boobages.



Allow me to repeat myself, I have arrived!

Audience members were also treated to me modeling the thong underwear Steve sells after shows.


In case you're wondering, yes, I have a matching pair underneath. If you're looking to pick-up a pair (they make great presents for grandma), you can go visit SteveSabo.com.

After performing at the Del Ranch, Steve and I drove to Huntsville to hang out with friends, Scott, Jaci, Eric and Spencer. This is also where we watched Iron Man 2 and UFC 113...and consumed too much alcohol. Oh yeah, and I kicked some major booty at trivia:



If you're curious about why that's my name, stop by one of my one-nighter shows. You’ll be treated to a riveting story about cross-country travel, sexy devil Halloween costumes and lack of bowel control.

I’m not quite sure how to conclude this post, or if a conclusion is even necessary, so I will once again say, I have arrived! This time, as a trivia master.