Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas Music

With trips to the west coast, east coast and south (all in the past week), I've spent A LOT of time in my car this December. Okay, granted, my trip to the west coast was in an airplane, but still, I've logged a lot of miles (which roughly translates to: I've had a lot of time to listen to the radio).

Pretty much the only music available on the radio right now is Katy Perry and Christmas songs. Because I find listening to all 99 verses of "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" more enjoyable than listening to one verse of any Katy Perry song, I found myself listening to a lot of holiday tunes.

And I thought to myself, "Self, why not compile a list of all of your favorites?" Perfect idea! So, without further adieu, here they are:

1. Any track from the New Kids on the Block "Merry Merry Christmas" album for obvious reasons.
2. "Last Christmas" by Wham! It's catchy and fun, and I dare you not to sing along when it comes on the radio.
3. "O Holy Night" by any artist. I love this song so much that I don't care who sings it...well, except for Katy Perry.
4. "Happy Christmas" by John Lennon (Melissa Etheridge and Sarah McLachlan do nice versions as well). "War is over, if you want it." A pretty simple concept, but so very true.
5. "Carol of the Bells" by any artist (although I have a soft-spot for piano renditions). Despite these lyrics being nearly impossible to understand/remember (20 bucks to anyone who can sing them all without looking them up), I still enjoy the challenge of being able to sing along.
6. "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings" by Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan. No Christmas song ever made me want to harmonize and pick up an acoustic guitar as much as this one!
7. "All Alone on Christmas" by Darlene Love. I don't care where this song comes on, I belt it out like it's my job. Yes, I've been kicked out of some Targets before.
8. "Please Come Home for Christmas" by Jon Bon Jovi. I'm not such a huge fan of the song, but the video is all sorts of hot, so it makes the list for that reason alone.
9. "Christmas in Hollis" by Run D.M.C. Not only does this song take me back to my youth and make me want to dance, but its lyrics also contain a message ("never steal from Santa, 'cause that ain't right").
10. "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)" by Alvin & the Chipmunks. Another 20 bucks to anyone who can listen to this without raising their voice an octave and singing along. This song also has a bonus: it's super annoying when played loudly (and on repeat), so it makes a great 'gift' for anyone on your naughty list.

This text conversation just happened

I was awakened to a text from an unknown, Ohio number at 7:38 am this morning. The following conversation then ensued:

Random 513 area code number that I don't recognize: You're a dork. Lol. Hope you're doing well. Have a good holiday!

Me: I'm a dork who got a new phone, so unfortunately I don't have your number programmed in. At the risk of sounding rude, who is this?

Random 513 area code number that I don't recognize: Ha. Aw, it's your sexy friend from Cincinnati. :) Remember the hot drunken sex? Lol.

Me: Um...I don't think I've ever been to Cincinnati.

Random 513 area code number that I don't recognize: Ha. Nope. I was there. We had buckets of beer. Come on! You forgot? Lol. Now that's rude. Ha!

Me: I'm really drawing a blank. I'm sorry.

Random 513 area code number that I don't recognize: Forget it then.

Me: Uh, okay.

Random 513 area code number that I don't recognize: Man whore.

Me: I am or you are?

Random 513 area code number that I don't recognize: You are. Since you can't remember! Ha!

Me: But I'm not even a man! Are you sure you have the right person?

Random 513 area code number that I don't recognize: Hm. Maybe not. Lol. Nevermind! Sorry.

Me: Not a problem. Happy holidays to you!

Just a little bit of advice, folks: if you're going to wish someone happy holidays, perhaps you should give them the ultimate holiday gift of sleeping in and forgo texting them before 8:00 am. Also, you might want to be a little more diligent when it comes to writing down the numbers of folks you're shared beer and sexy time with. One other tip: stop with the LOL usage already. Number one, it's annoying. Number two, I have a hard time believing someone would actually be laughing out loud as their hook-up partner fails to remember who they are.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Beards, Jacuzzis and Christmas decorations

Last week, I had a Midwestern extravaganza in Wisconsin, Minnesota and Iowa. And by 'extravaganza,' I mean, I slept a lot and ate at some rest areas. I kid, I kid. It was actually a lot more fun than that.

I went with Steve Sabo, who was headlining at the clubs we worked. Not only is Steve the headliner, but he's also my friend...and my opponent on an upcoming main card, pay-per-view special (see picture below).

We started off in Wisconsin where we worked at Fanny Hill in Eau Claire. Fanny Hill is a dinner theatre/restaurant/bed and breakfast, and it is definitely one of the coolest places I've stayed. The staff was absolutely wonderful, and the food was delicious, too. The place was decorated for the holidays, and they even played New Kids on the Block's version of "White Christmas" over the loud speaker.

But that's not even the best part! The absolute best was the fact that we both got whirlpools and fireplaces in our hotel rooms. If I'm ever famous, both of those items will definitely be in my rider (along with my dressing room needing to be stocked with both dark chocolate peanut chews and Joey McIntyre).

The show was fun, and we stayed after for a bit to talk to some audience members. I then retired to my hotel room and took a very relaxing soak in the jacuzzi. After I exited the tub, I decided that I might want to take a bath in there in the morning as well. So I made the brilliant decision to keep the water in there, as not to waste it. Do you think the fact that the water would be cold 12 hours later dawned on me? If your answer was, "no," you would be correct.

So, the next morning, after waking up, and sadly draining the tub, we drove to Rochester, Minnesota. We didn't have a show at night, so instead, we occupied our time by eating sushi and giving me a beard with Steve's spray-on hair. I mean, really, what else is there to do at a Motel 6? After taking several pictures, I decided that I don't think a beard really becomes me, and I'm still finding spray-on fibers in my ears since Steve got a little overzealous with the fake hair.

On Friday, we headed down to Cedar Falls, Iowa to perform for two nights at Jokers Comedy Club. Our first stop was KCRR FM in Waterloo, Iowa. We were on the air with the DJ, Corey, for about half an hour to promote the show, and it was so much fun! Corey was really nice, and I got to talk about Michigan (read: make fun of my hometown) and he even asked me some questions about my days working for PETA (read: wanted details about me getting naked on the street corner for a living).

The shows were a blast, too! And after Saturday's show, I got to experience the largest burrito I've ever had in my life when Steve's friends took us to Pablo's Mexican Grill.

So without further adieu, I give you the pictures:

The fantabulous amenities in my Eau Claire hotel room.

Some other pictures from the hotel:

Stealing a drink from a stuffed animal? Truly heartless.

Right before the bear pinched my butt.

The signs backstage.

Steve on stage.

Steve "Sabotage" Sabo vs. Kate "Fluffy" Brindle (AKA what promises to be the MMA pay-per-view event of the century!)

A giant 'Caffeinated Voice of Reason' about to pounce on the Christmas village.

The name of my room.

The morning view from the deck outside of my room.

The outside of Fanny Hill.

Not sure if you can see him, but Santa was driving that car. I had no idea he had a license, which might be why he ended up on the grass.

Motel 6 has room service, which I think is a bit premature. Perhaps they should have added carpet, hair dryers and blankets without blood stains to their list of amenities first.

This is what happens when you stay at a Motel 6 in middle-of-no-where, Minnesota, and your friend just happens to have some extra spray-on hair.

The artist and his spray-on hair masterpiece.

My impression of Jesus.

Vegan Japanese pan-seared noodles in Rochester, Minnesota. Yummers!

Where I stayed in Cedar Falls, Iowa. Not only are the rooms adorable, but they have a massage chair (that officially became my best friend for the weekend).

My hotel room. This picture doesn't do it justice, but it was really nice (and relaxing, too)!

My bathroom (complete with old-fashioned tub).

Cutest hotel check-in gift ever!

My late-night burrito at Pablo's in Cedar Falls, Iowa weighed in at a whopping two pounds!