Performing in Florida for the first time

At the end of February, I performed in Florida for the first time. My good friend, Keith Lenart, and I piled into his van and made the long 20 hour trek from Ann Arbor down to Orlando. The drive was pretty treacherous, but oh so worth it. When we finally arrived and I stepped out of the van, I found myself in the most pleasant heat.

When we checked into the hotel, this was staring at me.

Ah, what vacation would be complete without origami towels?

Our hotel was very beach/water-themed. Even the pillows were beach balls.


This is where we stayed:




And a view of the pool. Not too shabby, eh?


The 24 hour dentist that was across the street from our hotel. Good for when you get drunk and crack your teeth at 3 am.


This ride (which I was much too chicken to go on) was also across from our hotel. Perhaps next time I'll ride it...or when I have a whole slew of Xanax.


At our first show, we worked at the Orlando Jai-Alai club (pronounced like high lie). Well, allow me to clarify. We performed comedy, but it happened to be at a place that also hosted Ja-Alai games. Nobody handed us jerseys and helmets and demanded that we get out on the court.

I had never seen Jai-Alai, and when we watched it, I was a bit confused. I watched it for about a half hour, and I'm not that much more clear on the rules now, but I'm pretty sure they have something to do with whipping the ball back and forth as hard as you can. Oh yeah, and there's some sort of betting that goes on. And swearing. There was a lot of that, too.




On Sunday, per usual, we took silly pictures (no trip is complete without them).




We also had a bit more pool time.


Then we headed to Daytona Beach to stay with Keith's friend, Jo (she has a beautiful three bedroom condo right on the beach there). We happened to be in town when the Daytona 500 was also happening.

Randomly, we decided to get tickets. We figured there was no way we would have any luck as the Daytona 500 is the biggest event in all of NASCAR (it's pretty much like the fossil fuel-burning Olympics). So we drove up and down International Speedway Drive and, on a whim, approached one of the scalpers selling tickets. Keith talked him way down in price, and we eventually got tickets for $55.00 each.

Despite knowing nothing about NASCAR, I was excited to see the spectacle that is this race (I also figured it would be filled with comedy gold). We then attempted to find parking. All of the strip malls and fast food joints along International Speedway Drive were charging between $35 and $50 for a spot. So Keith decided to venture into the actual speedway.

We were stopped by a man that fit nearly every stereotype of NASCAR-lovers (thick accent, jagged teeth and a beer logo t-shirt). He informed us that all of the spots were reserved for people with disabilities, but then followed up by saying, "but, if y'all can find a spot, you're welcome to it."

So we hunted for a bit, and hot damn if we didn't actually find one!

We headed into the race, and walked around for a bit before attempting to locate our seats. We even got as close to the track as they let you, and I was nearly blown away by the noise and speed of the cars. Holy crap do they ever go fast!

I then asked a security guard where our "turn two terrace" seats were located. "They're right over on turn two" was his reply.

I pondered for a moment and then said, "Um, and that would be where now?"

He looked at me like I had just stabbed a baby. How could I possibly not know where turn two is located? I'm sure he thought I was a huge disgrace to America.

We eventually found our seats, and I was shocked by how many people cheer for the cars (it's not like the drivers can hear them over all of that engine noise). We also got to witness Dale Jr. take the lead. You would have thought it was the second coming of Christ by all of the noise that took place.

I doubt I'll ever watch it again as I don't really believe in wasting that many natural resources just for entertainment, and also because I found it kind of boring. But, it was an experience, and I did get quite a few chuckles from watching all of the drunks attempt to successfully climb stairs without falling down.

Here are some of the pictures:





















We spent the rest of our days in Daytona being completely lazy. We lounged on the beach, read, went to the movies (we went to the cutest little indie theatre called Cinematique), chatted and played bored games (I would like to take this time to officially gloat over my 6-1 record at dominoes against Keith).

I also spent some time catching up with friends and family members from Michigan. Apparently, they were getting record snowfall while Keith and I were lounging in 85 degree heat. Rough life, eh?

This is the view I woke up to every morning:


And some shots from the beach:








On two of the days, Jo took us over to her friend's condo in New Smyrna Beach. It featured gorgeous views, too! But, the best part of the trips over there was drinking box wine and exchanging dirty jokes with women who could have been my grandmother. I definitely got some keepers. Plus, I laughed ridiculously hard!

Keith and me in New Smyrna:





On one of the days, we got to watch the shuttle Discovery take off for her last mission. It was pretty amazing to see! The most interesting part is that you see the rocket launch, and then, about three minutes later, you hear it launch. Sometimes I'm still blown away by some of the technology humans have. This was definitely one of those times.


After staying nearly a week with Jo (that's her with Keith), we headed back to Orlando to work at another club.


This time, we worked at an entertainment complex that was home to a bowling alley and arcade. Not only were the crowds fantastic, but we also got to play arcade games for free. Score!

That's Keith winning big (and avenging our failed audition for the actual show) on Deal or No Deal.

And then the punching bag happened. One question, Internet: who's not afraid of this?

This was after I trashed-talked to some 14-year-olds, challenged them to a punch off, and then lost. In the sarcastic words of Charlie Sheen, winning!

Keith's turn.


After our last Saturday show in Orlando, we decided to get back in the van and drive all night to Michigan. The drive wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it would be, and we passed our time listening to lefty podcasts, belting out Cheap Trick songs and rapping along to Jay-Z.

Now I can cross another state off the list. Here's to performing in all 50!

Telling jokes, winning money and watching Cheap Trick

This week, I headed up to Michigan's upper peninsula for a string of shows at a few casinos. My good buddy, Keith Lenart, and I piled into his rockin' mini-van and headed up to snow country.

Our first stop was at the Kewadin Casino in St. Ignace. Here's its porch (complete with the lovely view of Lake Superior):


And the cozy fireplace I spent a bit of time in front of:


The cool roof that my camera didn't do any justice:


After a small, yet fun show in St. Ignace, we headed to Sault Ste. Marie, where we performed for a packed house.

Here's Keith on stage:

Eighty-three cents (and bragging rights) goes to the person who can correctly identify the UFC fighter in the background.

The Sault Ste. Marie casino had a fireplace as well (and fake trees!):


And a waterfall:


Right before Keith got busted for riding his snow mobile indoors.


Before the show, I decided to take advance of my "free play" (No, that's not a hook-up you don't have to pay for, it's the amount of money you get to play on the slots after signing up for a player's club card at a casino), and I won a whole dollar fifty! Try not to get jealous.


After thoroughly gorging ourselves at the buffet, ordering a vegan pizza (Yay for free food!) and taking hours to contemplate how to spend my winnings, we headed to yet another casino.


At this one, as soon as we arrived, I made a beeline to the player's club area, cashed in my free play and sat down at a slot machine. And guess what happened?

I won!!!

That's what mama's talkin' about!

I actually won about $103.00 when all was said and done. Yee-haw!


That's headliner, Jack Willhite, Scott from Rock 101 and me after the show (which was a blast!).

After the show, I went to bed so I could wake up early to drive to Milwaukee. Keith was a trooper and drove us in these ick-tastic conditions:


In Milwaukee, we played at the Potawatomi Casino. And guess who else did?

Cheap Trick!

In between shows, Steve, the super awesome Entertainment Director, sneaked Keith and me into the third row.


I didn't enter the room a big Cheap Trick fan, but I definitely left as one. They rocked it out! I was really impressed how well they could still sing and jump around (especially since they can do things at 60 that I couldn't even do at 20).

And Keith even got a pick that Rick Nielsen threw into the crowd:


I'm back in the good ol' mitten now, and I can't wait to go to Florida at the end of this week!

Snowbanks and Beaches

I was a pretty craptastic blogger in January. This is mostly due to the fact that I had a cold that could have killed a small wildebeest. Okay, in reality, I don't know if wildebeests are actually susceptible to human colds, but what I'm trying to say is that I was fairly crippled with sickness. I pretty much did nothing but tell jokes, hibernate in my bed and blow my nose. So yeah, that's why this blog was severely neglected.

But, alas, I feel better and I'm back!

I spent the first weekend in February performing at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle. I worked with Alec Sobel and Michael Malone, who are both hilarious! And despite the blizzard on Saturday, we still had incredible crowd turn-out. Way to go, Royal Oak!

Saturday was a bit of an adventure for my old girl, the 2002 Honda Civic, and me. On my way to the club (I live about 45 minutes away), the average speed on the freeway was 20 miles an hour. So I was running late and worried about getting to the club on time. Then, as I neared Alec's hotel (he's from New Jersey, so I was giving him a ride), my gas light went on. Drat!

So I rushed to pick him up, sped off before he even had the door closed and quickly threw ten bucks of gas in my car. Well, I didn't throw it in, but it was probably the fastest I'd ever pumped gas in my life.

We finally made it to the club with fifteen minutes before showtime. Well, since I'm cheap, I decided to hunt for a free parking place. Um, bad idea.

I turned down Fifth Street and eyed an empty spot that was somewhat close to the club. Score! So I pulled into a driveway to attempt to turn around in order to parallel park into my dream spot (spots this close are never open when there's no snow on the ground). Big mistake.

As soon as I attempted to back up, my old girl wasn't having it. I gave her some gas, but she simply spun her wheels without any movement. Oh no!

I got out of the car and saw what I feared: she was completely stuck in a snowbank.

And the show was set to start in fifteen minutes.

CUH-rap!

Alec hopped out and began pushing the hood as I gave her more gas. Still no movement.

After a few minutes, one of the guys who lived in the house nearby saw us struggling and came over to help push. Still no movement.

He volunteered that he had a shovel, and he ran to go get it. I pleaded with him to hurry as the show was now set to start in ten minutes. He came back and began digging like a madman as Alec and I joined the effort with our feet and hands.

After we made a dent in the snow, I got back in my car and tried to back up again. Still nothing.

At this point, I was really freaking out. Mr. Neighbor volunteered to get his buddy who apparently had some sort of jumper cables or rope or something to dig cars out (I know nothing about cars and barely know how to ask for an oil change when I go to Jiffy Lube, so I have no idea what this device was actually called).

By the time Mr. Neighbor #2 got out there, it was five minutes until showtime. I asked what would happen if I just left my car there, hanging into the middle of the street. They immediately replied I would get a $50 ticket.

So I gave the keys to Alec, asked him to wait with the car for another ten minutes (while I was on stage), and if nothing was happening and it was still stuck, to just leave it there. I then ran like the wind. Through the snow. I'm sure it was a pitiful sight. I was out of breath, slipping and sliding with nearly every step.

But, I made it, with about a minute to spare! Kevin, one of the managers at the Castle, gave me a bit of time to compose myself. So I applied some mascara, took a deep breath, looked over my set list and then performed for the nearly 300 people in the crowd.

Luckily, after I left, Alec and the two guys were able to drag my car out of the snowbank within a few minutes.

Despite Saturday getting off to a rough start, the shows were lots o' fun! After the last show, we were all invited to a beach party. I know, I know, beach party in Michigan in the middle of February? Well, it wasn't on an actual beach. It was at someone's house (a friend of Jason Benci's, who did a guest set on Saturday and stopped by to hang out at the club), and the heat was cranked way up as to accommodate the people dressed in board shorts and tank tops. The party was nice, although I wore my regular clothes as I didn't have a string bikini stashed in my trunk. So I suppose I dressed the way someone who is really terrified of getting a sunburn would.

Overall, it was a really fun weekend! And Alec even taught me how to do the worm. Right now, mine looks more like the snail, but I'm getting there.

Onto the pictures:


With Alec and Michael.


Jason and Michael.


Us with Mike Moore, the host of the beach party.


Jason Benci modeling his beach party attire and demonstrating why he's called the Thrillbilly.

Happy New Year to me!

Today, I received the best facebook message I've gotten all year. Imagine my delight when I woke up to this gem in my inbox:


He seriously read my mind as I, too, am looking to base marriage solely on my admiration of a complete stranger's 600 by 800 pixel photo. We're so compatible!

Big ol' post about December

Since I'm quite behind on my blog, I think I might just do a recap of the month of December and make a new year's resolution to update more in 2011. Sound like a plan? Good. Done.

Lots of adventures last month! I performed for the first time at Carlin's Comedy Club in Waterford, Michigan. We had fun shows, although there were way too many people in the audience who were wearing reindeer antlers (Leave them at home, folks!). But, they laughed a lot, so I quickly forgave them for their poor choice in head wear.


That's me with the owner, Duane, and fellow comics Michael McDaniel and Chris Hegedus.





After Saturday's show, I slept for two hours, and then boarded a plane to visit my good friend, David, in Seattle. David and I worked together at PETA, and we also left around the same time. I had been promising him that I would come visit, and after a year, I made good on my promise.

My flights there (Detroit to Denver, and Denver to Seattle) were an absolute dream! I had my own row on both of them, and I slept most of the trip. In fact, I was so relaxed that I didn't even really pay attention to the fact that the Detroit runway was pretty much iced-over. Hey, if you're going to skid to your death in a plane crash, it's nice to know that you have two armrests of your very own to grip while screaming.

David lives in an adorable area of Seattle called Capitol Hill. It's artsy and hip, and there are vegan restaurants (and bars, too!) a plenty. Sadly, I didn't take many pictures other than shots of said restaurants and the food I consumed.


That's Plum, the fancy schmancy vegan place. I had some sort of quinoa nacho concoction that left me salivating for more.


That's the dish I had at In the Bowl, which is a vegan Thai restaurant.


And that's a shot from their lovely bathroom that has, get this, nature sound effects. It truly made me feel like I was peeing in a tropical rain forest. How delightful.

It rained most of the time I was there (surprise, surprise), but we did manage to see a lot of the city in the car. I even took this shot (in a park called Gas Works) in between downpours.


On the day I flew home, David's friend, James, graciously offered to drive me to the airport. And she even took me for vegan donuts from Mighty-O. Fantastic!

I had a blast in Seattle! I loved the vibe of the city, and it was so great to hang out with David and James (and James's adorable puppy, Grace). I left with a smile on my face, and most likely five pounds in my belly. Next time, I vow to take more non-food pictures.

As soon as I got home from Seattle, I took off to work at Stitches Comedy Club in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. I worked with Chris Coccia (who I met when we worked together in the Outer Banks and he kindly offered to pull a splinter out of my foot) and David James. I absolutely loved the shows, not just because the crowds were fun, but because Chris and David are both so funny. I could learn so much from them!



If you haven't been to Lancaster before, it's in the heart of Amish country. Of course, I had to get a picture of this:

Tours by auto? Um, isn't that just a smidge disrespectful considering the Amish don't really believe in electricity and all? Isn't that kind of like touring the Duggar home in a condom-mobile? On second thought, please somebody, anybody, tour their home in a condom-mobile! And go visit the folks over at Teen Mom while you're at it!

My hotel was located in between a few outlet malls. And let me just say, if there is a hell, it would include outlet malls at Christmas time. But, I braved them and got some nice deals. And I managed not to assault anyone. So score on all fronts!

I then swung down to Virginia for a quick visit with the Pie Master.

P.S. That's fruit of the forest pie, not blood and skin falling off of his face (Although how cool would it be if it was the latter due to a really intense MMA fight?).

While in Norfolk, these happened (food porn alert!):


In retrospect, we probably should have frosted them to actually look like Christmasy things as opposed to creamy blobs, but I got a little lazy and figured that one can never go wrong with white frosting and sprinkles. Right?

After I returned to Michigan, I got to see another buddy of mine from PETA. This time, it was Nia! She and I met while she was interning in Virginia, and she came all the way from the UK to visit me for a week.

This is her posing with what might possibly be the coolest Christmas tree ever:


While she was here, I did a show at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase.

That's us along with Geoff Tate, Tim Rowlands, Russell Rabb, Mike Evitts and Andy Beningo.

After the show, we headed over to the Arena for some beer and karaoke, where Mike and I did a rendition of Tori Amos's "Crucify." I'm pretty sure we and a table full of lesbians were the only people who appreciated it, but we had fun.

Perhaps, next time, we'll try our hand at "Precious Things."

Nia and I also hit up the Detroit Historical Museum, and ate at this amazing new restaurant.


Here's what we put in our bellies: a raw, mock tuna sandwich and lasagna made from zucchini. Delicious!


On New Year's Eve, I performed at the Holly Hotel (and drank too many post-show shots of the kind of nameless, crappy liquor that makes Apple Pucker seem classy).

That's me with fellow comics Dean Mink and Steve Lind.


Nia, Diana, me and Steve.


On most of the days that Nia was in town, we hit up various movie theatres. We both love going to the cinema, and we saw the following films while she was here: The King's Speech, Female Trouble, Black Swan, The Tourist and The Fighter.





Fellow comic, John Burton, joined us at the State Theatre for The Fighter, and not only did we see a great film, but we also rushed the stage after the film. Of course, silly pictures ensued.



Here's a sample of some of them:






December was a bit of a blur because it was so busy. But, I had great fun, and I was surrounded by a lot of wonderful people! Here's to 2011 bringing the same amount of adventure and joy!