Meth, theft, and hangin' with Mr. Cooper

Note to self: if you show up in a town where lots of people look like they're on meth, lots of people are probably on meth. And they probably want to steal your purse and break into your car to purchase said meth.

That's exactly what happened to me this past weekend in Montana.

After the show, while my buddy and headliner, Steve Sabo, was still on stage, I went to set up Steve's CDs and t-shirts on the merch table. Seeing as I was selling my ever-so-classy bumper stickers, I also put those on the table and set my purse right next to them.

I turned my head for what was probably ten seconds while Steve was finishing up his closing bit. In that time, a guy swooped in, pretended to look at the t-shirts, grabbed my purse and walked away with it.

He not only got the purse, but he also got my car keys and used them to steal a ton of things from my car. But, he didn't steal everything from my car. Nope, just random crap like a cooler full of Red Bull, a snuggie, and my car owner's manual. Apparently, he was really thirsty, likes robes with sleeves, and had a burning desire to know how many miles a Honda Civic can go before needing its oil changed.

The other issue was, after he got through taking all of my credit cards, IDs, money, and other useful things, he kept my keys. So, I couldn't even get into my car. And I was scared he was going to come back and steal it.

So, after filing the police report, I had to have my car towed across town to essentially hide it from this guy. And Steve and I had to think how the heck we were going to get to Idaho the next day in a car we couldn't get into.

While we were figuring this out, we got a call from the police saying they actually caught the guy. Apparently, he hit four other cars in the parking lot (he used a rock to break their windows), stole a cell phone from one of the vehicles, which was then tracked to his residence. Doh!

Up until this point, I thought he was a pretty savvy criminal (and gutsy, too, given that he actually had the audacity to buy a drink from the bar where he just stole a ton of stuff...on a stolen credit card, of course) seeing as he stole my purse when it was within feet of me. But, I'm pretty sure theft 101 dictates you're not supposed to take anything that's traceable. Apparently, dude doesn't watch enough Dateline.

This is where I feel like my law degree came in handy: after the police caught him, he refused to consent to a search, so I knew that even though he had our stuff, we wouldn't be getting it back any time soon because the police hadn't yet secured a warrant. Even if I can't get a job, at least my education helped prepare me for disappointment. Who knows if we'll ever get it back as it's now currently being used as evidence.

The next morning, I called a locksmith and begged him to rekey my car (and even talked him into picking us up from our hotel -- you haven't lived until you've sat in the back of a van, on a stool that probably isn't even street legal) in time for us to make it to our gig in Idaho. Luckily, he obliged. And thank goodness for the generosity of Steve Sabo, who not only lent me money for the rekeying, but helped me prove my identity when I tried to check into hotels with no identification nor credit cards.

The rest of the trip was a blur of dealing with insurance companies and police.

But, we did have a lot of fun in Billings, where we literally got to hang with Mr. Cooper at the St. Patrick's Day parade.

The parade was small, but cute, and after searching for two hours, we finally located green beer. Us with the good stuff:

And, we met this guy whose hat game was seriously on point.

 
We even got to celebrate St. Patrick's Day again that night (this time with mustaches) in Miles City.

After playing a matinee show in a wedding hall on Sunday (which was surprisingly fun, despite afternoon shows having a tendency to not be so great), we headed home. Again, thanks to Sabo for pulling us through the 3 - 5 am time slot (i.e., the time were my eyes really betray me and my body thinks it's nap time). 

And thanks to Montana for its beautiful skies. Despite the robbery being irritating, I still got to look at this every day:

Boston

At the end of February, I had the pleasure of competing in the National Animal Law Competitions at Harvard Law School, and in short: it was amazing! I learned so much, had such a wonderful time, and it was easily one of the most valuable experiences I have had in law school.

Due to our early morning flight in Detroit, Claire, Alicia, and I met up at some ungodly hour to drive to the airport. Before leaving the house (yes, I am an expert at applying filters to eliminate under-eye bags).

I am up way too early (3:30 a.m.), my hair is way too blonde, and I care way too little about neatly folding towels. 

Every time I go to Boston, I am immediately reminded by how much I adore it. I'm sure it probably has something to do with my New Kids obsession given that they're from Boston and have some wicked cute (see what I did there?) Boston accents.

As soon as we got out of the airport, all I saw was snow.

Accordingly, a series of pictures I like to call "your instagram feed wasn't lying; holy crap, that's a lot of snow!"

On our first day, we headed to a bar (Mead Hall) across the street from our hotel. Day drinking, party of two. We both had the Namaste beer, and it was pretty awesome. How cool is it that it came in its own cup?

We then headed over to Harvard, where I promptly fell in love. Prior to this trip, I hadn't explored Cambridge too much, and Harvard Law School was everything you can imagine and more. They had their own pub and cafeteria, and it was simply gorgeous. All of Harvard's campus looks like something out of a Harry Potter movie (or, at least I think so anyway; I haven't actually seen a Harry Potter movie), but the law school takes the cake.

I wonder if Harvard students pose near the MSU Law sign?

Can we just take a movement to bow down to the food at this conference? The whole thing was vegan, and I was in all sorts of heaven. This was one of the breakfasts.

Our competition started on Saturday, and I'm not going to lie: I was pretty nervous. Despite public-speaking for a living, I still get nervous about these sorts of things. Something about experts in the field firing questions at you while you're talking is a little terrifying.

But, I was pleased by how amazingly nice and encouraging everyone was! Some of our judges were among the premiere animal law practitioners and animal legal scholars in the United States. So, arguing in front of them and hearing their positive feedback gave me confidence and made me feel encouraged that I can use the skills I have learned in law school and apply them to real-life animal protection work.

Not only did preparing our brief before the competition allow me to improve my writing and learn more about the Humane Slaughter Act and how it can be improved, but my experience at the tournament taught me many skills. I was able to practice giving oral arguments in front of justices who currently serve as judges in courts throughout the country. In addition to providing practical experience in the rounds, I had the chance to ask them questions after the rounds about what they find persuasive when they are adjudicating cases.

I was excited by our second place finish, and I left the competition feeling inspired and encouraged to continue dedicating my studies and efforts to animals.

Our trip home was quite the adventure. And I can now say I've gotten a drunk guy kicked off a plane for groping and sexually harassing other passengers. Too bad I had a separate seat from Claire and Alicia and had to sit next to arguably the second most annoying guy on the plane (example: despite me repeatedly telling him I can't offer him legal advice, he kept asking me if he could pursue an assault with a deadly weapon case against a guy who spit in his mouth since the guy who spit might have had HIV; he also gave me a detailed history of all of the ways women have rejected him, complete with a sprinkling of swearing so heavy another passenger asked him to watch his mouth).

But, in the end, drunk guy and swearing-clueless guy couldn't wipe the smile off of my face for what a great time I had! 

Oh, and if you'd like to watch a video of our final round, it's here. 

Snow mobiling and pulpit poop jokes

On Thursday, I headed up to the UP to perform on Friday night. I love going up a day early as I pretty much park my butt at the buffet, watch the snow fall near the lake, and don't have to worry about being late for the show due to weather.

A shot from my window.

The show was a ton of fun, and after it, I met a group of guys who were there for the big snowmobile race in town. I have no idea what this race is called, but apparently, it is to snowmobiling what the Daytona 500 is to NASCAR. Over the course of several beers, it was revealed that I had never been on a snowmobile (or a "sled," as they all called it). One of the racers agreed to take me out, and we had an absolute blast.

Speed demon me reached a whopping 23 miles per hour. Next time: 27, baby!

Thanks to Brad for letting a complete stranger borrow and feel all official in his gear.

Not only did I actually get to ride on the course track, but I also discovered one can build a bonfire on a frozen lake. As in, successfully build a bonfire on a frozen lake. Add that (along with knowing they call us lower Michiganders "trolls") to the list of things I've learned in the U.P.

The next night, I headed to Bryan, Ohio, the hometown of my great grandfather.

This is him in the University of Michigan Law School yearbook. Looks like the law is in my genes. Or, at least, around finals, I hope it is.

I performed at Father John's, which is a restaurant, microbrewery, and performance venue located in an old church that features various religious symbols. These pictures don't do them justice, but here's a sample of some of the areas:

If you're near Bryan, I definitely recommend checking it out. The ambiance is so cool and unique. Plus, the food and beer were fantastic!

That's Kevin Bozeman on stage. It's always fun to work with another KB, especially one who is so hilarious. Following a monk and telling inappropriate jokes at a pulpit = crossed off the bucket list.

Post-show there was an afterglow that featured champagne (fancy!) and bonding with audience members over awkward job interviews stories.

On Sunday, I got to perform with these funny ladies at Joey's Comedy Shop in Livonia, Michigan:

A great weekend overall! 

Muppets, Nintendo and Way Too Much Snow

This past weekend, I performed at Koo Coo's Next Comedy Club in Schofield, Wisconsin. Ever since I started working there, this club has been one of my favorite places to perform. The crowds are fun, and the staff couldn't be nicer.

And, not only did they let me rap the Bloodhound Gang at post-show karaoke, but they also have the original Super Mario Brothers. 

The line-up for the weekend:

On Friday, there was a rather boisterous audience member. He first started heckling about his love for potatoes (earning him the nickname "Potato," which I used throughout the show).  While I don't generally enjoy heckling, I do love a good tater tot, so I couldn't even blame him.

When I was finished with my set, he then set his sights on the headliner, Josh Alton.

During Josh's set, Potato yelled out, "Who's your favorite muppet?"

It should be noted that Josh did absolutely no muppet jokes. This was a completely, out-of-the-blue muppet heckle.

After pondering for a bit, Josh finally returned with, "I'm going to go with Beaker. Who is your favorite muppet?"

"G.I. Joe." 

Clearly, Potato watched some episodes of The Muppets that I never have.

On Sunday, I drove home for 14 hours in a constant blizzard. Proof:

Thank you to the random man who stopped to help a shaking and crying me when my car got stuck in a snow drift at the intersection of two freeways outside of Chicago. Not only did he help push and shovel the snow under my car, but, when my car wouldn't budge, he got behind the wheel and rocked it out of the drift while I pushed (he also put up with a lot of swearing and grunting from me). And no, I wasn't crying because I was terrified that my car would be hit by oncoming traffic (as I was right on the line of fire and visibility was close to nothing); I was crying because I had to miss Puppy Bowl.

I came home to this. Time to invest in a shovel...or time to perfect my "please feel sorry for me and plow" face.

Despite the drive home being rather suck-tacular, the great time I had in Wisconsin made it well worth it!

Happy 2015!

I was in Huntsville, Alabama when the ball dropped. I made no New Year's resolutions, other than to live in the moment and take time to relax. Normally, my resolutions always center around going to the gym more, being more organized, accomplishing more, etc., and let's face it: never once have I kept them. So, I decided to be more realistic.

New Year's Day was great practice for me keeping them. Normally, after a show, I either rush home after it concludes, or get up at the crack of dawn to rush home the next morning. In 2015, I did neither. I stuck around Huntsville for a day, where my good friends, Scott and Jaci, hosted me and made the most amazing vegan spread (sadly, I have no pictures of it; I figured making a resolution to take more food pictures would be unnecessary, but perhaps I should reconsider). We spent the day watching comedy videos, hanging out, and getting thoroughly addicted to Trivia Crack. In fact, at one point, we were all on our phones, playing each other, and we only uttered words to trash talk.

It was great fun!

Let me back up though. Before the first day of 2015, I spent my last day of 2014 performing at the Huntsville Arsenal. I had performed there years ago (here's a shot of Scott, me, and Steve Sabo from 2007 on the top and this year on the bottom), but hadn't been back in a long time.

 The crowds were nice, and since I didn't have to drive (thank you, Scott and Jaci), I took full advantage of the buckets o' Bud Light.

After our show (we also performed with Paul Hooper, who is absolutely hilarious - check him out immediately), we bar hopped for a while. And, I said random things to random people on the street (telling folks to put their coats on so they don't catch a cold comes to mind). Of course picture-taking happened:

 New headshot?

 Demonstrating our reactions to Michigan's cruel winter.

 And...happy to be in the Alabama "heat." 45 degrees still beats the pants off of 12.

Not sure where we picked up these hats, but despite it not fitting my big ol' head, I rather enjoyed wearing it. I even could wear it with my hood:

 Practical New Year's Eve attire.

Hope your New Year's Eve was also practical. Oh yeah, and safe and happy, too.

Half way there

It's official: I am half-way done with law school! There were times last year when I thought this day would never come. While learning about the legal system is incredibly interesting and mentally stimulating, law school itself can seem rather daunting. But, I did it; I got through another semester!

I did a lot of this:

And the day after my final exam, I did a little of this.

Not only are my way-too-long roots now blonde again, but I'm pretty sure I was able to get free cable for a couple hours.

And now, I shall get reacquainted with 8 hours of sleep. Nice to see you again, old friend.

Thanksgiving in Las Vegas!

This year, my mom and I decided to visit my brother in Las Vegas for Thanksgiving. Warm weather + no dishes > snow + dirty kitchen.

It was a quick trip filled with losing money and gorging ourselves.

On our first night, we headed to California Pizza Kitchen, which is surprisingly vegan-friendly. We ended up drinking fancy drinks and closing the joint. Oh, and we practiced posing for family holiday photos.

Here's my mom and brother doing it slightly less awkwardly.

When my mom and I headed back to our hotel after dinner, we played the slots for a while (read: lost money for a while). We also took full advantage of the $1 PBR special our hotel was having.

On Thanksgiving, our day centered around the Wynn Buffet. The owner, Steve Wynn, is vegan, so there are tons and tons of vegan options. If you go there (which I HIGHLY recommend), you can even take the vegan tour, where the chefs will show you all of the vegan items at the buffet, and all of the custom dishes they can prepare. Plus, you get the added bonus of the other customers looking at you like you're super fancy.

Here's just a sample of everything I crammed into myself:

That's sushi, chips and guacamole, some sort of curry rice, creamy tomato bisque with salad, cashew cream ravioli, pizza, and mint chocolate chip soy ice cream. Holy Lord.

I'm pretty sure I gained 7 pounds during that meal. In fact, I know I did since I'm writing this entry post-trip. To try to feel better, I convinced myself I'm just an overachiever and was simply getting a head start on gaining the weight I usually do during finals. I guess I know what my New Year's resolutions will be.

We waited for over two hours to get seated. And, despite having to practice more badder control than I ever had previously, it was totally worth it.

In line:

 

Just 1/4 of the line:

Happy to finally be nearing the end!

After eating for nearly as long as we were in line, we walked around the Wynn and checked out all of the decorations. So pretty!

 

We also took some post-food coma family holiday photos (note to self: next time, take family pictures when your face hasn't blown up three inches due to consuming enough sodium to season 500 packs of fries). Looks like that practicing didn't do us much good.

Yeah, probably not going on a Christmas card any time soon. Although, if someone is looking for blackmail material, I think this would be a prime candidate. 

After a whirlwind trip, I had to return to this:

Not happy about it, although I think my waistline probably is.